When I Fall Read online

  Please don’t ask me anymore. I don’t want to talk about . . .

  “Who?”

  Shit.

  “Nobody. Just this guy I met. It doesn’t matter. Look, I’m volunteering because I want to. It’s nice to do things for other people. You should try it sometime.” I sit up slowly as my heart pounds against my ribs. Wow. Way to freak out a little. “I’m sorry. That sounded really bitchy.”

  “I’m just wondering why you didn’t tell me this before. I thought we were getting to know each other.”

  “We were.” I swallow, my voice quieting when I continue. “We are. I just don’t like to talk about it. I’m here now. I’m not living in my car anymore. That’s all that matters.”

  What would Reed think of me if he knew I lived with a man who told me daily how worthless I was? Who got off on it? I can’t risk him losing respect for me. Living with Rocco was about survival. Doing what I had to do. Not in the beginning, but that’s what it became a few weeks after I moved in. But Reed might not understand that. I doubt most people would.

  It’s hard to imagine how bad things can be when you’ve never had everything taken away from you.

  Reed sighs just as my phone beeps with an incoming call. Mia’s name flashes on my screen.

  I place the phone back to my ear. “Um, hey, I gotta go. Mia’s calling me.”

  “All right, yeah, I need to get back to work anyway.”

  “Okay.” I suck on my bottom lip. “I guess I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Beth?”

  “Mm?”

  Another pause has my back rigid against the couch.

  God, I hate that I can’t see his face through his silence. Is he mad right now? Disappointed that we’re having to get off the phone?

  These stupid pauses are going to give me a heart attack.

  “Nothing,” he murmurs. “Forget it. I’ll talk to you later.”

  The call ends. I click over to answer Mia before my head has time to fill with a thousand more questions.

  “Hey, how are you?”

  A quiet sniffle comes through the phone, and I’m once again stiffening against the cushions.

  “Mia?”

  “Beth, can you do me a favor?” she asks through a timid voice.

  “Are you okay?”

  I’m on my feet, carrying my glass over to the sink in case this favor involves leaving.

  “No.” Her voice breaks with a whimper. “No, that’s why I’m calling.”

  Reed

  “NOTHING.”

  Fuck. She has to go. Hang up before you start sounding like a desperate little bitch.

  My free hand wraps around the door handle. “Forget it. I’ll talk to you later.”

  Ending the call, I hop out of my truck and tuck my phone back into the front pocket of my safety vest. My back hits the door as I run a rough hand down my face.

  Jesus. What the fuck is wrong with me? Beth tells me she used to be homeless, and I act like a fucking psycho and yell at her for not mentioning this to me before? Yeah, I calmed down, but initially . . . shit, I fucking yelled at her. I was frustrated, angry, confused as hell for feeling frustrated and angry. I don’t know why. I know how this woman gets to me. I know she’s going to make me feel things I don’t understand. But it didn’t matter. The second those words came out of her mouth, I lost it. The thought of Beth living on the streets had me seconds away from smashing out every window of my goddamn truck. Someone could’ve grabbed her, could’ve put their fucking hands on her. Then I got jealous of every other person she’s told about this before me. I can’t handle not knowing everything about this woman. The good, the bad, the fucking ugly shit she gets quiet about. I want all of it, and I want her to feel like she can give it to me.

  I’m sure I’ve made her feel real comfortable about sharing personal shit with me now.

  My phone rings in my vest. Pushing off from the truck, I reach for it as I walk back over to the job site. Mia’s name flashes on the screen.

  “Hey.”

  She takes in a shuddering breath. “I know you’re working, Reed, but is there any way you can come over? Like right now? Please?”

  My footsteps abruptly cut short, kicking up dust out of the gravel. She’s crying. Why is she crying? “Mia, what’s going on?”

  “It’s Ben,” she answers through a whimper. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t . . .”

  “Fuck! Was he shot? I’m at St. Joseph’s now. Are they bringing him here?” I start off running toward the entrance to the hospital.

  Shit! Motherfucking shit! The boys. Mia. This can’t be happening.

  “No, no Reed. He’s home. I said I need you to come here.”

  “Oh.” I skid on the gravel. “Mia, what . . .”

  “Reed!” Tessa yells into the phone.

  “Jesus Christ.” I rub my ear with my free hand, then raise the phone back up, keeping it at a safe distance from Tessa’s mouth.

  Why is she yelling at me?

  “Get over here! My brother needs you. Mia needs you. Stop asking a million fucking questions and move!”

  The call disconnects. I stare at the screen. What the hell could be going on?

  “Weston!” I yell out to one of my laborers as I take off running back to my truck.

  He looks up at me. “Yeah, boss?”

  “I need to go. Go find Connor and tell him he can reach me on my cell. And call the shop and let my dad know I’m leaving the site.”

  He nods and gives me a thumbs up.

  My heart is pounding by the time I settle against the leather seat. I strip off my vest, throwing it and my hard hat into the back. Tires spinning, I peel out on the gravel and take off toward the gate. My mind tries to work out possible scenarios, all of them scary as fuck.

  The kids could’ve gotten hurt. I could’ve left one of my tools out from working on the deck and Nolan could’ve grabbed it. He’s obsessed with watching me. Maybe he was trying to copy what I was doing or something.

  My breathing becomes heavier. I tug at the collar on my T-shirt, loosening the choke-hold the material suddenly has on my neck.

  Chase.

  Fuck, what if Mia had him up on the deck and he got too close to the railings. He’s so small. Could he fit through the slats? Did I even secure the railings this past weekend? I told Mia she could walk out on the deck, but fuck! I’ll never forgive myself if that shit wasn’t one hundred percent safe.

  Wait, no, they’d be on their way to St. Joseph’s if something happened to one of the kids. That can’t be it. So, what the fuck? What would make Mia that upset, or Ben? What the hell is going on?

  My fist connects with the steering wheel. This is why I was asking a million fucking questions, Tessa!

  I weave in and out of traffic, running two red lights to get to the house as quick as possible. A patrol car is in the driveway, Tessa’s Rav4, and another car I recognize as Beth’s. I stop beside it after jumping down from my truck.

  It’s small, a two door beater looking Chevy, with paint chipping everywhere and rust spots covering the roof. Bending down, I look into the backseat. Some blankets, a few T-shirts, and some shit that looks like trash cover the seat and the floor. My neck muscles twitch.

  She lived in this.

  I straighten up, fingers pinching the top of my nose, chest heaving against my shirt. I can’t think about this shit right now. I can’t think about her being alone, how scared she might’ve been. Not with whatever the hell is going on inside.

  “Hello?” Pushing the door open, I listen for voices as I look around the entryway. “Mia?”

  Nolan comes running down the hallway, holding his stuffed dragon above his head. “Uncle Weed!” He jumps up and down in front of me, the biggest smile lighting up his face. “Arwe we worwking on the deck today? I’ll go get my tools!”

  I pick Nolan up, squeezing him gently against my chest. He’s okay. I’m sure Chase is okay too. “No, little man. Not today. Where’s your mommy?”

  He
points in the direction of the kitchen. “She’s weally sad. She keeps crwying.”

  Carrying him with me, I continue down the hallway as he walks his dragon across my shoulder. “It’ll be okay,” I tell him, seeking comfort in my own words.

  Mia, Beth, and Tessa are sitting in the small room just off the kitchen, huddled together on the couch, the two girls on either side of Mia. I watch the three of them slowly lift their heads when I step into view. Mia’s face is wet with tears, while Tessa and Beth look like they’re trying to keep themselves from breaking down.

  I put Nolan on his feet, my chest tightening, every muscle in my body flexed. “Go play, Nolan. I’m going to talk to your mommy for a minute.” He runs back down the hallway and I step further into the room. “What the hell is going on?”

  Mia stands from the couch. “Thank you so much for coming over. I hope it wasn’t a problem leaving work.”

  “No, it wasn’t, but would you please tell me why you three look like that? I’m starting to freak out.”

  She wipes her fingers across her cheeks, then pushes her dark hair back out of her face. “I found a lump in my breast last week when I was feeding Chase. I went to the doctors and had an ultrasound, and he suggested I get it biopsied because of my family history.” She pauses, pinching her lips together.

  Beth and Tessa both stand, flanking Mia’s side in support, offering her comfort by each of them grabbing a hand.

  I stare into Mia’s eyes, my stomach twisting, my chest burning. Thoughts of Mia’s mom dying from breast cancer two years ago flood my mind with panic.

  “Did you?” I ask.

  Mia nods. “A few days ago. We didn’t tell you guys because we didn’t want you to worry if it was nothing. We were supposed to get the results yesterday, but nobody called. Then we woke to a message really early this morning from someone at the office. They said my results were in, and for me to call back, but I can’t reach anybody. I’ve been calling them all day, and it just sends me to voicemail. It could be nothing, it could still be nothing, but I can’t get an answer.” Her chin trembles.

  She pulls free from the girls and steps closer to me.

  “Reed, Ben’s losing it. He seemed okay yesterday, but he was so angry we missed that call this morning. And then he blew up when they didn’t just tell us the results in the message. I told him they can’t legally do that, but he won’t listen to me. His mind is made up that something’s wrong. I can’t calm him down, I can’t talk to him. I told Luke to take him outside because I was afraid he would start scaring Nolan. I’ve never seen him like this. I don’t know what to do. You know how he is with me.”

  I reach up, gripping my neck with both hands.

  Shit, the whole fucking state knows how Ben is with Mia. He’d kill for her. He threatened to put my ass in the ground several times when I first met her and he thought I was making a play. I’ve never met anyone that insane over someone before, and it’s been like that since the beginning for Ben. If he lost her, I don’t know that he’d ever recover from that.

  Shit, I don’t know if any of us would.

  I wrap my arms around Mia, pulling her against my chest. Her tears wet my shirt.

  “I’m sure it’s nothing. I’m sure the doctor is just busy right now. And I think it’s good that they want to give you the results over the phone. If it was bad news, wouldn’t they want you to come into the office to discuss it?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t know how my mom got her results.”

  My stomach sinks. I grip Mia tighter.

  “I’m so scared, Reed. What would happen to Ben? And the boys, I can’t,” she sniffs, her body shaking. “I can’t leave them.”

  My eyes connect with Beth’s over the top of Mia’s head. She blinks, sending tears down her face as her lips try and give me that sweet smile of hers. They barely lift before she turns away to hide her emotions. Tessa’s face is buried in her hands.

  Fuck. This can’t be happening. Not Mia. Not our Mia.

  I press my mouth into Mia’s hair. “Nothing’s going to happen to you. Ben’s going to be fine, those boys are going to be fine because nothing is taking you away from them. You’re strong, Mia. You need to stay strong right now, okay?”

  Her head moves against my chest. Another whimper is muffled.

  “I’m going to go outside and try and talk to Ben. Promise me you’ll stop thinking the worst.”

  She leans back, dropping her arms from around my waist. “I promise.” Squeezing my hand, she looks up into my eyes. “Thank you for coming over.”

  “Damn it, Mia. Stop thanking me. You know I’d do anything for you.”

  Her lips quiver into a weak smile. Letting go of me, she turns and starts rubbing her hand down Tessa’s back, whispering words to her I can’t make out. Only Mia would think to comfort other people right now when she’s barely keeping herself together. Sometimes I think she’s too good for all of us.

  I’m almost out the front door when footsteps quicken on the hardwood behind me.

  “Reed, wait a second.”

  Turning my head, my gaze falls on Beth. Her eyes are still threatening tears.

  “Yeah?”

  She slowly moves toward me, studying my face with rapt attention. “Are you okay?”

  Letting out a deep breath, I lift my shoulders, barely raising them. “I don’t know. I’m trying to be. It’s Mia, though, you know? This is fucking scary.”

  “I know it is.” Reaching her hand out, she wraps it around my forearm and applies the lightest pressure. “You two are really close, huh?”

  I look down as her thumb begins moving along my skin. “Yeah. Well, we all are. Everybody loves Mia.”

  “You were so sweet with her in there. I think you really helped her.”

  “You’re helping her too.” I swallow, looking into those big, dark eyes. “It’s really nice that you’re here for her. I know that means a lot to Mia.”

  Beth’s mouth twitches. “I was really shocked that she wanted me here. I just met you guys. I’m not used to people taking to me so fast.”

  “Who wouldn’t take to you?”

  Her hand flinches against my arm, squeezing me, as those perfect lips slowly part. Air rushes into her lungs, her face washes over with color. She’s isn’t hiding her reaction to me, and for the first time since I met her, I wish she was. This is not what I need to be doing right now. Brushing my hand along her cheek, allowing the heat of her blush to warm my fingers isn’t what Mia asked me over here for. I can’t see that I still do this to Beth. Not right now.

  My hand falls away from her face when she begins to lean into it. “I gotta go outside. See what’s going on with Ben.”

  She wets her lips, looking over my shoulder briefly. “Okay.”

  Stepping back, I open the door and head outside before all the blood in my veins reaches my cock. It’s fucked up, but it’s Beth. I’m beginning to realize it doesn’t matter where, when, or what the fuck is going on around us. I can’t turn it off with her. Hell, I’m not sure I want to.

  I walk down the side of the house, unsure of what I’m about to get myself into. I know what’s going through my head right now. I can’t imagine amplifying that to the extreme the way Ben does with everything involving Mia. He can’t control shit when it comes to her. I’ve seen him pissed off plenty of times. That’s threatening enough. But angry and upset?

  Luke comes into view first. Standing at the back of the property, he’s facing the wooded area that separates Ben’s house from the one behind him. I hurry across the yard as a loud cracking sound breaks through the air, then two more, quickening my pace. It’s coming from the woods. Luke turns his head when I’m almost at his side.

  Arms crossed over his chest, he acknowledges me with a quick jerk of his head. “Sorry, man. He needs to break shit right now, and it was either this or Nolan’s swing set.”

  I stop beside him and look between two trees.

  Ben has a stack of 2x4s I brought over for the deck sc
attered on the ground. Some are split in two already. He drops the splintered piece in his hand and swaps it out for another, mumbling curses under his breath.

  “You try talking to him?” I ask, watching Ben take the piece of lumber and strike it repeatedly against a thick tree trunk. Tiny shards of wood break off with each blow.

  Luke looks over at me, the one side of his mouth split open. I stare at the dried blood sticking to the wound.

  “Yeah, I tried talking to him. He doesn’t want to talk. He wants to do this. If you think you can calm him down without taking a fucking punch, go for it.”

  “Shit.” I rub my hand along my chin. He hit Luke? “If he starts whaling on me, pull him off, all right?”

  “Yeah, sure. No problem.”

  Ignoring the sarcastic undertone in Luke’s response, I walk through the trees and come up to the pile of wood behind Ben.

  If it wasn’t for Mia, I’d still be standing next to Luke, keeping my fucking distance. I’d rather not bleed out in my best friend’s backyard. But Mia’s scared. She called me over here because she’s worried about Ben. I need to at least try and talk to him.

  Ben swings the wood across his body and it breaks against the trunk. He turns around, scowling when he notices me, tossing the wood at my feet.

  “Shut the fuck up, Reed.”

  “I didn’t say anything yet.”

  “Yet,” he grumbles, picking up another 2x4 and pointing it at my chest. “I won’t have a problem busting your mouth open either, so don’t fucking test me. There’s nothing to talk about.”

  I hold both hands out, palms facing him. “You don’t know anything yet, Ben. Mia could still be fine. All of this you’re doing is just making shit worse for her.”

  He drops the wood. “What the fuck did you just say?”

  I take a step back when he moves forward, keeping space between us. “She’s scared. You’re fucking scaring her, man, and I know you don’t mean it. This shit can’t be easy on you. I’d be going crazy if I didn’t have any answers yet. But think about Mia. Think about . . .”

  “Think about Mia?” he yells, clenching his teeth, moving closer with quick strides. “What the fuck do you think I’m doing, asshole? I’m always thinking about her! She’s all I fucking think about!”