Down Too Deep Read online

  Nate’s brows ticked up as if he couldn’t understand my response.

  “I also wanted to apologize for the other day,” I began, moving closer. “I don’t know if what I said insulted you, about creeps being everywhere. I know it sounded like I was alluding to them being here, and I didn’t mean it like that. Ever since my son turned eight, he’s been adamant about not going into the women’s room with me, and I just…well, you get it. You’re a parent.”

  Nate stared at me, his face expressionless.

  Okay, maybe he didn’t get it yet.

  “It’s just hard to turn off the side of me that panics whenever I don’t have eyes on my kid,” I explained. “Your restaurant is really nice. I’m sure perverts don’t gather here.”

  His mouth twitched. “That’s a relief to hear. Putting security in the men’s room might’ve caused some alarm.” Leaning back in his chair, he adjusted his glasses and looked ready to say something else, but turned his head when Marley started whining again.

  She was standing at the gate now, gripping it and giving it a good shake.

  I watched Nate get to his feet and drop nearly every toy she had into the play yard. He spoke under his breath, too low for me to hear, but I could tell from his tone how exasperated he felt.

  Marley kept whining. She stomped her foot and shook her head at him when he held out a stuffed giraffe. He swapped it out for a book, turning to a page and pointing at one of the pictures. She wasn’t interested. Marley fell back onto her butt as tears hit her cheeks. Her legs kicked against the floor with fury.

  Nate pinched his eyes shut, ran a hand through his hair, and looked down at her. He appeared lost, and possibly on the brink of a meltdown himself.

  He was overwhelmed; that was clear.

  “Has she eaten dinner? Maybe she’s hungry,” I said, walking over to the play yard. On instinct, I bent over the gate and held out my arms. I wanted to soothe her somehow. I at least wanted to try. I hated seeing this sweet thing so upset.

  Marley immediately stood up and came to me. When I got her on my hip, she settled down and played with the chain around my neck again.

  “I don’t know what she is,” Nate replied. He held up his glasses and rubbed at his eyes. “I guess she could be hungry.”

  “If you want, I can take her out there and she can eat with us. It’s just me and my kids.”

  “Really?”

  “Sure. What does she like off the menu?”

  He looked at Marley, thinking hard on that question. “Normal two-year-old stuff?” Our gazes met. I saw the embarrassment in his eyes before he looked down and away. “Sorry. I really don’t know what she likes. I haven’t spent much time with her.” He gripped the back of his neck, mumbling, “I’m sure that’s obvious right now.”

  His shame was palpable.

  Something about the way Nate spoke, the humiliation in his voice, the rejection—he wanted to know his daughter. He wanted to have the answer to any question I could ask him about her, and he didn’t know how.

  Impulse loosened my tongue and pushed the words out of my mouth before I had the chance to really think on them. Although, even if I had paused, I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t have spoken my next words.

  Everything inside me that made me who I was wanted to help him.

  “Tori mentioned something about your sitter situation changing?”

  His gaze came up.

  “I know you don’t know me, but I could watch her for you. I work from home during the summer…”

  “Are you serious?” he asked on a rush, his shoulders pulling back as he stood taller.

  “Yeah. I wouldn’t mind. Honestly, I’d probably really enjoy it. I love kids.”

  “Yes.”

  A laugh bubbled in my throat. I waited for his expression to relax and shift out of serious. It didn’t.

  “Oh, okay. Um…well, if you need references or anything, you can ask any of the girls about me. Sydney is practically my sister-in-law. She’s dating my brother, Brian. I’m sure you’ve seen him around here. And I hang out with Tori, Shay, and Kali all the time. You can trust me with your daughter.”

  “Okay,” he said easily.

  I wanted to smile at him—I was happy to do this for Nate. But I couldn’t help wondering how desperate he might’ve been feeling. He wasn’t hesitating at all to accept my offer, or even taking a minute to consider it. I felt sad for him. Nate clearly wanted to do better by his daughter. He couldn’t even tell me what she liked to eat.

  I began to wish I could’ve offered my assistance sooner. Everyone needed help sometimes. I knew that from experience.

  “Did you want to watch her at your place?” he asked, cutting into my thoughts.

  “I should probably watch her at yours. My apartment isn’t really toddler proofed anymore.” Lucky for me, I could take my work anywhere, and frequently did in the summer. Parks. The beach. Playgrounds. I worked on the go so my kids could stay on the go.

  “That works for me. Whatever you need.”

  “Great.” I smiled at him, gave that smile to Marley, who was playing with my earrings now—she was so girlie, I loved it—then turned back to Nate. “Okay, I’ll get her fed so she’s not a little grouch-bucket anymore, and then I guess if you want to go ahead and give me your address, I’ll see you Monday?”

  His face fell. “You can’t start tomorrow?”

  “Oh, do you…?” I paused, realizing today was Saturday. He obviously needed help on the weekends too. “No, tomorrow works. I can do tomorrow.”

  Breath left him loudly, as if he’d been holding it in.

  “It’s just temporary,” he said, moving over to the desk and jotting something down on a Post-it. “I won’t need every day covered for long. Just until I hire someone to help me out in here. I’ll be able to cut back my hours once I do that.”

  “No problem,” I answered, meaning that.

  I obviously hadn’t anticipated this becoming an everyday thing, but even if it would’ve been a permanent summer gig, I didn’t think I’d have any issues. My kids went along with anything. They were easygoing. And I was more than comfortable around toddlers. I’d handled two at once before.

  Plus, I wanted to spend time with Marley. God, who wouldn’t? She was absolutely adorable.

  Nate tore the note loose and walked it over to me. “Here’s my address. I’m only ten minutes from here. If you could be at my house by eight thirty, that would be great.”

  “Sure. That works.” I tucked the Post-it into the back pocket of my shorts, boosting Marley on my hip when I was finished. “Does she have any allergies to anything, or can I feed her whatever she’ll eat?”

  “No allergies. I do know that.”

  “Okay, great.” I smiled at Marley. “Do you want to go eat? Are you hungry?”

  “Eat!” Her legs kicked out excitedly.

  I began to turn away with her but stopped. “Oh.” My hand shot out. “I’m Jenna, by the way. Sorry.”

  “Nathan.”

  His grip engulfed mine. This guy could probably palm a basketball, no problem. Wow. What a weird thing to think, Jenna.

  I cleared my throat as we separated, checked the floor behind me for toys, and then backed up toward the door. “Okay. I’ll get her fed and let you get some work done.”

  “Thank you. I…” He closed his mouth with a pained expression, as if he was afraid to speak or even hear his next words. His Adam’s apple bobbed heavily in his throat.

  I froze.

  I wanted to hug him, or at least promise everything would be okay. He looked like he desperately needed to hear that. And the desire to do more than what I was offering already stole my breath.

  “I really appreciate this. Thank you,” he said quietly.

  Before I made this awkward and actually initiated an embrace, I settled on an honest “anytime” while holding in the anything that wanted to follow.

  I’d help Nathan however I could.

  Chapter Four

  NAT
HAN

  I didn’t deserve her help. I didn’t deserve help from anyone anymore. Taking care of Marley was my responsibility. It should fall on me.

  But fuck, I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. And whatever I was doing wasn’t working.

  I was pretty sure my daughter hated me.

  Not that I could blame Marley. What had I ever done for her? If she thought I was a dick for letting her mother die…yeah, I deserved that. Sadie’s suicide was my fault. I should’ve helped her and I didn’t. I left Marley without a mother, and then I completely checked out as a father. I couldn’t stand myself for it.

  Every word I spoke to her tasted like regret. I wanted those twenty-two months back. I wanted to fix this, to be better.

  God, I needed to be better.

  The last two weeks had been a nightmare. I’d tried getting Marley in at every day care in Dogwood Beach, but everything was booked solid for the summer. Every babysitter Care.com had to offer in my area already had a job lined up. All of them. The only option left was to bring her to work with me.

  I was fucked. Between Marley sneaking out and getting into shit and her constant screaming whenever she actually remained in my office, someone was close to calling the cops. I had prepared myself for that and for unemployment. One or the other was happening. I couldn’t see this working out any other way.

  Then Jenna walked in and saved my ass. That entire conversation felt like a dream. I didn’t know this woman at all, and she was offering me the lifeline I desperately needed.

  Jesus Christ, I could’ve kissed her. Did she have any idea what she was giving me? A day later and I was still shocked by her kindness.

  I pushed my arm through the sleeve of my shirt and fixed my collar. Just as I checked my watch to note it was nearly eight thirty, the doorbell rang. I’d been half convinced our conversation had been a dream. A part of me hadn’t expected her to show up.

  God, this woman is a saint.

  I rushed downstairs and paused in the buttoning of my shirt to open the door.

  Jenna stood on the porch with two young kids flanking her. I recognized the boy from the restaurant on Memorial Day. That was definitely the strangest conversation I’ve had to date. Based on the tight, uncomfortable smile he was giving me, I’d guess he felt the same way about it. The little girl, on the other hand, couldn’t have been grinning at me any bigger.

  “Morning,” Jenna said. Her eyes fell to my open shirt and she frowned. “Sorry. Are we early?”

  “No. No, you’re perfect. Come in.” I stepped back and held the door open. The little girl moved inside first, tipping her head back further when she stopped in front of me.

  “Hello.” Her voice was soft and a little shy.

  “Hey.” I gave her a polite nod.

  She stared up at me and kept grinning.

  “Olivia, scoot over, baby.”

  Hearing that request, the girl stepped over and got beside me. The duffle bag she was carrying hit the floor at her feet with a thud. The boy came inside next. His mouth dropped open as he peered around the room.

  “Whoa. Your house is huge. Mom, this is almost as big as Uncle Jamie’s house.” The boy looked up at me then, his hand gripping the strap at his shoulder. His bag appeared to be just as full. “His house has, like, twelve rooms. How many rooms you got here?”

  I smirked. “Not twelve.”

  “How come?”

  “Oliver, that’s…a little rude,” Jenna scolded. She shuffled him over, stepping inside now herself, and offered me an apologetic smile after I closed the door. “Sorry. No filter.”

  “That’s okay,” I answered. Honestly, her kids could say or do whatever they wanted. No way was I asking her to leave.

  “So, these are my two. You’ve sort of already met Oliver.” Jenna stood behind him and squeezed his shoulders while he kept gazing around the room. “And that’s Olivia. She’s very excited to be here, if you couldn’t already tell.”

  I looked down at the grinning face beside me, smiled politely back, and watched her eyes widen behind bright blue frames. When she dropped down and started digging through her bag, I turned back to Jenna and asked, “How close in age are they?”

  They were the same height. Had the same glasses. Same color hair and chocolate-brown eyes. They could’ve been…

  “They’re twins,” she answered.

  “Jesus. And you’re still sane?”

  Jenna shrugged and laughed lightly, tucking her hair behind her ear. I could see freckles on her nose and cheeks and the flush as it colored her skin just now. I didn’t think she was wearing any makeup at all. Still, even without it, I would’ve turned my head.

  Awareness paused my breath. I blinked and looked away. When was the last time I noticed a woman’s looks? Nearly two years. That answer was simple.

  “How about I show you around?” I asked, checking my watch once more, then getting back to the shirt buttons I still needed to fasten. “I got a little time.”

  “Sure. Where’s Marley?”

  “In her room.” Away from me, which was where she preferred.

  “Mom, can we go out on the deck?” Oliver asked.

  Jenna looked to me and waited.

  “Yeah, have at it,” I told him.

  Oliver took off immediately, calling out for his sister to follow him.

  Olivia peered up from the notepad she was writing in. “How old are you?” she asked.

  “Thirty.”

  She looked from me to Jenna, then back to me briefly before putting her attention on the notepad again. “That’s perfect,” she mumbled, jotting something down, my age possibly.

  My brow furrowed. Is she worried she’ll have to ask for it again?

  “Olivia, go with your brother, please.” Jenna shuffled forward and spun her daughter around. Then she picked up the duffle and carried it over to the couch, dropping it there, along with the messenger bag she was wearing cross-bodied. The sleeve of her top slipped in the process, revealing a small butterfly tattoo on the back of her left shoulder. Jenna reached up to fix her shirt, peering back at me when she was finished.

  Our gazes locked. I quickly cut my eyes away, putting my attention on Olivia.

  The little girl moved fast through the family room, weaving in between the furniture as she finished taking notes and pausing only when she reached the open slider that led outside to the deck.

  “Whoa! We can see the ocean, Ollie!” she yelled. The glass door slid closed behind her, cutting off her brother’s animated response.

  “Can we go get Marley?” Jenna asked. “Is she awake yet?”

  “Yeah, she’s been awake.” I led Jenna through the family room and into the kitchen.

  “Your house is really nice.”

  I glanced over my shoulder and watched as she ran her hand over the long marble island. She gazed in wonder at the row of cabinets mounted on the wall.

  “It’s not twelve rooms nice,” I joked.

  “Your kitchen is beautiful. Do you cook a lot?”

  “No. My wife did.”

  Her bottom lip caught between her teeth and her gaze fell away. Just by her expression, I could tell she knew about Sadie. She’d probably heard about it from one of the girls. She’d said they were friends.

  We ascended the stairs in silence.

  “Bathroom,” I said, pointing at the first door on the left at the top of the stairs. “This is Marley’s room.” I stopped at the door across the hall and twisted the knob, pushing it open halfway before I met resistance. “What the…?” I leaned inside to figure out what the obstruction was but didn’t need to. Marley crawled around the door. “Shit.” I pushed it open further and glared at the empty crib.

  “Good morning, pretty girl.” Jenna bent down and scooped Marley up. “Have you been playing in here all by yourself?”

  Marley giggled.

  “She must’ve climbed out of her crib.” I pinched the bridge of my nose as the threat of a migraine pulsed beneath my scalp. What the
fuck? Really? “She hasn’t done that yet. I thought I had more time before I had to worry about this. How the hell am I supposed to keep her in here now?” I gestured inside the room.

  I’ll never be able to close my eyes again.

  “Is the mattress lowered all the way?”

  My brows lifted at Jenna’s question. Fuck. Is it?

  I walked over to the crib and examined the notches on the inside rails. Then, kneeling beside it, I looked under the mattress and grinned at the sight. I had one level remaining.

  “Thank God.” I dropped my head back and sighed in relief.

  Jenna laughed from the hallway. “Not ready for a big-girl bed yet?”

  “No. Never.” Not if it meant Marley getting around at night. She’d leave me for sure. I stood up and headed out of the room. “Let me grab an Allen wrench and take care of this before I go.”

  “She hasn’t eaten yet, has she?”

  “No, not yet.”

  “Okay. I’ll take her downstairs while you do that.”

  “Great.”

  Jenna went one way and I went the other.

  I grabbed the small toolbox I kept under the sink in the master bath. After lowering the mattress and fixing the bedding, which Marley had pulled out of the crib and spread out around the room, I finished getting ready. Tie on, I slid my glasses into place and headed back downstairs.

  The kids were seated at the kitchen table. Oliver and Olivia had their bags in front of them, rifling through each other’s while they carried on conversation. Marley was in her booster seat. She was watching the other two, completely engrossed in what they were doing, while Jenna stood beside the chair, feeding her bites of waffle.

  I finished rolling up my sleeve to match the other one as I moved around the island, stopping at the Keurig and powering it on. I grabbed the travel mug out of the cabinet and loaded up a K-Cup. The smell of coffee permeated the air.

  “You wear glasses too?” Olivia asked, her voice pitching higher.

  I turned my head and watched as she flipped that notepad open again.

  She whispered, “Oh my gosh,” not waiting for a response and obviously not needing one before she clicked her pen and scribbled something down.